You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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