I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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