she smelled like a LAN party
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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