Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
