I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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