we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i will never coherently bang her
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
