New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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