Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
