I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is her dick bigger than yours?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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