1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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