You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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