Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
my liver is dry heaving
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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