Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
