he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
