on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
