made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you never un-have a 4some
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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