I hate your face
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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