you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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