True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
