He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
