I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
