I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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