we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
