Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
