Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
