Just cropdusted the office
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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