There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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