Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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