I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
