found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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