...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
