I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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