girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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