At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
