Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dignity is for republicans.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
