Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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