Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
