he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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