I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
