I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
