Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
