I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
