You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
