God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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