I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
