1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
