fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
