Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
