Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
