he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
