he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he fucked my hip out of place.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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