i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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