Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry my hands just texted you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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