you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
