Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
